Why does it feel like I'm always broke?
Andy sighed as he looked at his bank balance. "Why does it feel like I'm always broke?" No matter how much he tried to save, money seemed to slip through his fingers. Something deeper was at play. He needed to understand why.
Four Possible Reasons:
1. Childhood Trauma with Money (40%) – At eight years old, someone had stolen his piggy bank. That moment of betrayal planted a deep fear—saving felt pointless because money could disappear anytime. This subconscious belief made it hard to trust the idea of keeping money aside.
2. Emotional Spending (25%) – Whenever stress, frustration, or sadness crept in, spending became a way to feel in control, even if just for a moment. Money wasn’t just a tool; it was an emotional comfort.
3. Fear of Scarcity (20%) – Growing up with financial insecurity created a hidden urgency to spend before losing it again. Saving felt like a risk rather than a security.
4. No Clear Plan (15%) – Without a structured approach to saving, money easily got spent on unnecessary things. It wasn’t just about income—it was about having a system.
Five Remedies to Overcome This:
1. Reframe the Past – That stolen piggy bank was a painful memory, but it no longer defined his relationship with money. Saving wasn’t about losing—it was about gaining control.
2. Start Small, Rebuild Trust – Instead of forcing big savings goals, he could start with something small, building confidence in his ability to keep money safe.
3. Identify Emotional Spending Triggers – Every time he felt the urge to spend impulsively, he would pause and ask, “What am I really feeling?” Recognizing the pattern helped break the cycle.
4. Shift from Fear to Strategy – Instead of fearing money would disappear, he created a plan: automatic transfers, emergency funds, and a mindset that saving was a long-term gain.
5. Celebrate Small Wins – Even setting aside RM10 or $10 consistently was proof that he was in control. Over time, those small wins would turn into real financial security.
He exhaled, looking at his new savings plan. The feeling of being broke wasn’t just about money—it was about his past, his fears, and his mindset. But now, he had found his way out.
Feeling abandoned and unwanted
Andy sat alone in his room, the quiet pressing in like an old, familiar presence. He had grown up with silence, a silence that was not peaceful but heavy, filled with questions that had no answers. He often wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with him—why else would the people who should have loved him the most leave him behind?
Recognizing the Root of the Pain
The feeling of abandonment was not new. It had followed him from childhood, lingering in the background of every relationship, every achievement, and every failure. His mother had separated him from his father and his father’s family, leaving him at his maternal grandparents' house. It was not a home—it was a place where he existed, not where he belonged. The monotonous days passed with no warmth, no conversation, just the expectation that he should endure. He did not feel seen. He did not feel wanted.
As the years passed, he carried this wound into adulthood, masking it with achievements, responsibilities, and the hope that if he just did more, if he just became better, he would finally be accepted. But the void remained.
Understanding How It Affects the Present
Even now, as an adult, the echoes of those early days whispered in his mind. He found himself withdrawing from relationships, fearing rejection before it could even happen. He sometimes sabotaged opportunities, believing deep down that he was not worthy of them. The past had woven itself into his identity, shaping the way he saw himself and the world.
It wasn’t just the absence of love; it was the belief that he did not deserve it.
Four Possible Reasons Why the Feeling Persists
1. Early Emotional Conditioning (40%) –When a child is repeatedly made to feel unwanted, their brain internalizes that as a core belief, making it difficult to shake even in adulthood.
2. Fear of Rejection (25%) – Having experienced abandonment before, he subconsciously expected it from others, often withdrawing before it could happen again.
3. Seeking Validation in the Wrong Places (20%) – He had spent years trying to prove his worth through achievements, thinking success would fill the void, but external validation could never replace inner healing.
4. Self-Sabotage (15%) – The mind seeks familiarity, even if it is painful. He unknowingly recreated his childhood experience by keeping people at a distance or doubting their sincerity.
Five Remedies to Heal and Move Forward
1. Acknowledge the Wound Without Judgment – Instead of suppressing the pain, he allowed himself to recognize and sit with it. It was not weakness; it was a part of his story.
2. Reframe the Narrative – He was not abandoned because he was unworthy. He was abandoned because of the choices of others—choices that had nothing to do with his worth.
3. Build New, Healthy Relationships – He started opening up to people who genuinely cared for him, testing the waters of trust, even if it was uncomfortable at first.
4. Practice Self-Compassion – He learned to speak to himself with the kindness he never received as a child, replacing harsh self-criticism with understanding.
5. Find Meaning in the Experience – Instead of seeing himself as a victim of his past, he used his story to inspire others, proving that one’s history does not have to define one’s future.
Embracing the Truth
Andy took a deep breath, feeling the weight of years beginning to lift. The feeling of abandonment had been a shadow, but it did not have to control his life. He could step into the light. He could choose to believe that he was enough, that he was worthy, that he was not alone.
For the first time, he did not see himself as the child who was left behind. He saw himself as the man who had survived, who had grown, and who was ready to reclaim his sense of belonging—not from others, but from within himself.
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