Day 2 - rewiring supp

Lowest ebb - blogged

01/05/2026

Q : 

The switching between my task is that I will stop at the same restaurant to have a nice roti bakar and drink everyday. Today can you help me untangle this. I been carrying this though about 3 years or more and become intense after my daughter left house. I been thinking there is no more rizq for me except only remnant piece enough for meager use. All my rizq is for my daughter in the past. I am divorced since she was 6 months old. Now all my rizq is for my cat therefore I only enjoy food and basic necessities. This is silly and stick with me.

Answers 

It may feel silly when you say it out loud—but the pattern itself isn’t random at all. It actually has a very clear internal logic, and once you see it, it starts to loosen.

Let’s untangle it slowly, without dismissing it.

🧭 What your mind has been doing (very quietly)

You’ve built a meaning system around rizq, not just a belief.

Something like:

“When I had my daughter → my rizq flowed (because it had a purpose).”

“Now she has her own life → my role is over.”

“So my rizq must also reduce or end.”

“What remains is just enough to survive, not to live.”

That’s not silliness.

That’s a role-based identity attached to provision.

🧠 The hidden rule underneath

If we strip it down, the rule sounds like:

> “I am only allowed full rizq when I am needed.”

And now:

> “I am no longer needed → so I should not receive much.”

That’s the knot.

⚠️ Why it got stronger after your daughter left

Because two things happened at once:

1. Your external role ended (daily caregiving, financial focus, emotional anchor)

2. Your internal identity didn’t get replaced

So the mind filled the gap with:

> “Then my chapter is finished.”

And from there, it quietly rewrote rizq as:

limited

leftover

“just enough”

🌱 Let’s gently reality-check this (not forcefully)

In Islam, rizq is not assigned like a job contract.

It is not:

“this much for motherhood”

“this much for cats”

“this much for old age”

It comes from Rizq, which is:

continuous

not role-dependent

not “used up” by past giving

There is no verse or teaching that says:

> “Once your child grows up, your provision reduces.”

That idea didn’t come from faith.

It came from emotional accounting.

🧩 Where the cats fit in (this is important)

Your mind didn’t leave you empty.

It reassigned your role:

> “Now I am needed by my cats → so rizq is only enough for them + survival.”

So you still allow provision…

but only within a small container.

💡 The deeper truth you’re brushing against

You already said something powerful earlier:

> “Everything has its place and reason… time to outgrow my old self.”

This is exactly that moment.

But your system hasn’t updated yet.

You are:

no longer only “the mother who provides”

but not yet “someone who can receive for herself”

So your mind chose the safest middle:

> “Reduce everything.”

✍️ Let’s loosen the knot (not break it)

Try this—not as affirmation, but as observation:

Write or think:

“If my rizq was only for my daughter…

why did it still continue after she left?”

“If my role is over…

why am I still being sustained?”

Don’t rush the answer.

Just let it disturb the old logic.

🍞 About your roti bakar routine

That daily stop?

That’s not just habit.

That’s the only place you allow yourself to receive a little bit of life:

warmth

taste

pause

small pleasure

But even there, notice:

> You keep it modest, controlled, predictable.

Because anything more would challenge the belief:

> “I shouldn’t have more.”

🧭 A small shift (not dramatic)

Don’t jump to:

> “I deserve abundance!”

That won’t stick.

Instead, try this quieter shift:

> “Maybe my rizq is not finished…

maybe I just don’t know its new form yet.”

That’s enough.

🪶 Final thing (gently said)

What you’re experiencing is not about money or food.

It’s about this transition:

> From being needed… → to existing without needing justification.

That’s a hard crossing.

And your mind is trying to shrink your world to avoid facing it.

If you’re open, next we can explore this:

👉 If your rizq is no longer tied to being needed… then what would it be tied to?

That’s where your next chapter actually begins.

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