If you didn’t need to: be useful be needed or have a “big why”
Would you still allow yourself to receive… calmly?
Or would something inside resist it?
That resistance—that’s the real place we can work on next. Answer: I resist it quietly and feeling g quilty to indulge in but will dragy feet into it. The roti bakar break carry more meaning like I deserve a break just to work on my thinking. It sound to good to be true but perhaps I will justify it by preparing mental to go home for another task.
Answer:
That’s very honest—and it shows exactly where the real knot is.
You’re not refusing to receive.
You’re allowing it… but only after you “pay” for it mentally.
---
🧭 What you’re doing (very precisely)
Your pattern looks like this:
1. Desire appears
→ “I want to sit, eat roti bakar, just be.”
2. Immediate inner check
→ “Do I deserve this?”
3. You create a justification
→ “This is for thinking… for preparing… for the next task.”
4. Then you allow it
→ but not fully relaxed
So the rule becomes:
> “I can receive… but only if I turn it into something useful.”
---
⚠️ Why the guilt doesn’t go away
Because deep down, your system still believes:
> “Receiving for its own sake is indulgent.”
So even when you sit there, part of you is still:
working
explaining
preparing to leave
That’s why you said:
> “I drag my feet into it.”
You’re entering rest…
but not arriving in it.
---
🧠 Let’s name the real belief clearly
It’s not about money.
It’s not even about rizq directly.
It’s this:
> “Rest and enjoyment must be earned or justified.”
And if not:
> “I am taking more than I should.”
---
🌱 A small but important correction
Even in the understanding of Rizq, enjoyment is part of provision.
Not just:
survival
responsibility
usefulness
But also:
taste
ease
moments of pause
The idea that:
> “Only hardship and purpose are valid”
…is actually something we add, not something that was given.
---
🍞 Let’s re-look at your roti bakar moment
Right now, you’ve turned it into:
> “A break so I can continue functioning.”
What if—just slightly—you shift it to:
> “This is also part of what was written for me today.”
No upgrade.
No spiritual pressure.
No “lesson”.
Just included.
---
🪶 The guilt you feel
That guilt is not truth.
It’s a leftover rule from:
being responsible for too long
having to justify needs
tying worth to usefulness
So now, when there is a moment with:
no demand
no urgency
no one needing you
Your system goes:
> “Something is wrong.”
---
🧩 Try this very small experiment (don’t force it)
Next time you sit down:
Don’t remove the guilt.
Don’t fight it.
Just notice:
> “Ah… this is the part of me that thinks I must earn this.”
And still take one bite.
That’s all.
Not to prove anything.
Not to fix anything.
Just to let both exist at the same time:
the guilt
and the receiving
---
🧭 Why this matters
Because right now, your life is not lacking rizq.
It’s limited by:
> how much you allow yourself to feel okay receiving it
---
🌿 One gentle shift (keep it simple)
Instead of:
> “I deserve this because I will do something after.”
Try:
> “I am uncomfortable receiving this… and I’m still here.”
That’s more honest.
And strangely, more freeing.
---
You’re not far from the shift.
You’re already sitting at the table.
We’re just slowly removing the condition that says:
> “You can only stay if you justify your seat.”
---
If you want, next we can go deeper into this guilt itself:
👉 Who did you have to prove your worth to, for so long… that now you still do it even when no one is asking?
Not deeper, this already make me grinned. Most of the answer make me see how funny thing are. I does not sound like what I read or I know.
That grin you felt—that’s actually a very good sign.
It means something inside you just went:
> “Wait… this whole thing might not be as serious as I thought.”
Not in a dismissive way—but in a “oh… I’ve been over-structuring this” kind of way.
---
🧭 What just happened (quietly)
For a long time, your mind was treating life like:
a system
a rulebook
something to calculate and justify
And now you’re seeing:
> “I’ve been making it heavier than it actually is.”
That’s why it doesn’t sound like what you’ve read before.
Because most things you read:
try to explain life
try to organize meaning
try to give structure
But what you just touched is simpler:
> Some things don’t need structure to be allowed.
---
🌱 Why it feels “funny”
Because your old belief, when seen clearly, sounds like:
> “I need a mission… to eat toast peacefully.”
When you hear it like that… of course you grin.
Not because you’re mocking yourself—
but because the tightness loosens.
---
🍞 Your roti bakar just changed (subtly)
Before:
It was a justified break
A tool for thinking
A reward after effort
Now it can quietly become:
> “Just something I do… because I’m here.”
No big philosophy needed.
---
🪶 And this part matters
You said:
> “It does not sound like what I read or I know.”
Good.
Because what you’re seeing now is not coming from:
motivational frameworks
or structured teachings
It’s coming from direct noticing.
And that tends to feel:
lighter
simpler
sometimes even a bit absurd
---
🌿 Let’s not turn this into another system
No need to:
“practice receiving”
“master this mindset”
“apply a technique”
Just keep that small awareness:
> “Ah… I don’t actually need to make this heavy.”
That’s enough.
---
🧭 One gentle anchor (keep it very light)
Next time the thought comes back:
> “I must justify this…”
You don’t need to fight it.
Just smile a little and think:
> “There it is again.”
That’s it.
---
You’re not fixing yourself.
You’re just seeing through something that used to feel real.
And once seen clearly, it doesn’t hold the same weight anymore.
Eckhart Tolle click the ideas
Yes—that “click” you’re describing is very much in the same territory as what Eckhart Tolle points to in The Power of Now.
Not because you’re copying his ideas—
but because you’re seeing the mechanism directly in yourself.
---
🧭 What just clicked (in simple terms)
It’s this shift:
Before:
“This thought is true.”
“I must follow it.”
“I must solve it.”
Now:
“Oh… this is just a thought pattern.”
“And it’s a bit… funny when I see it clearly.”
That moment of almost laughing at yourself?
That’s not mockery.
That’s distance from the thought.
---
🌱 Why it feels lighter
Because earlier, the thought had authority:
> “No purpose → less rizq → must justify life.”
Now it becomes:
> “Ah… this old script again.”
Same thought.
Different relationship.
---
🪶 Important subtle point
You didn’t “delete” the belief.
You just:
saw it
recognized it
and stopped fully believing it
That’s why it loosens naturally.
---
🍞 Back to your roti bakar moment
Before:
You sit there inside the thought
Now:
You can sit there and notice the thought visiting
That’s a very different position.
---
🌿 Keep it grounded (so it doesn’t become another concept)
No need to become:
“present all the time”
or “detached from ego”
That becomes another trap.
Just this is enough:
> When the thought comes → you recognize it
And sometimes… you smile at it
---
🧭 One thing to watch (gently)
The mind may try to turn this into:
> “Now I must stay in this awareness.”
Don’t.
That’s just the same pattern wearing new clothes.
---
🪷 What’s actually happening
You’re not becoming someone new.
You’re just:
> less entangled in what passes through your mind
And that’s why it feels:
lighter
quieter
a bit amusing
---
That “click” is small… but it’s real.
No need to build on it.
Just let it show up again naturally—
especially over something as simple as sitting with your food.Norsanina.blogspot.com
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