Turning point - Book review Chapter 3

My PhD study struggle

Andy sat at his desk, staring at the research notes he had poured years into. The words on the pages blurred as frustration settled deep within him. The dream of completing his PhD had once filled him with purpose, but now, all he felt was exhaustion and disappointment. Twice, in the span of three years, his supervisors had left the university. Twice, he had been left stranded, forced to start over with someone new.

Recognizing the Struggle

Pursuing a PhD was never meant to be easy, but this was something else. It wasn’t just about the difficulty of research or the long nights spent reading and writing—it was the feeling of being abandoned yet again. Each time he adjusted to a new supervisor, built trust, and made progress, another disruption came. It felt personal, even though he knew it wasn’t.

He began to wonder: Was this a sign that he wasn’t meant to finish? Was he just wasting his time?

Understanding Why the Struggle Felt Overwhelming

Four Possible Reasons Why This Thought Exists:  

1. Loss of Guidance (35%) –  A supervisor was more than just an academic mentor; they were the key to navigating the PhD journey. Losing two in such a short time made it difficult to stay on track.

2. Repeated Setbacks (25%) –  Every time he adapted to a new supervisor’s style and expectations, he had to adjust his research focus, delaying his progress.

3. Emotional Burnout (20%) – The uncertainty and constant starting over drained his motivation, making him question if finishing was even worth it.

4. Self-Doubt and Isolation (20%) – Seeing peers move forward while he remained stuck made him feel like a failure, reinforcing the belief that he wasn’t good enough.

Five Remedies to Overcome the Setback

1. Reframing the Experience – Instead of seeing the situation as a failure, he reminded himself that external disruptions were not a reflection of his capability.

2. Seeking Alternative Support – He reached out to other faculty members, researchers, and academic communities to gain guidance beyond just his supervisor.

3. Focusing on What Was Within His Control – While he couldn’t prevent his supervisors from leaving, he could refine his research direction, strengthen his arguments, and stay committed to his work.

4. Allowing Himself to Process the Disappointment – Suppressing frustration wouldn’t help. He acknowledged his feelings, but he refused to let them define his future.

5. Revisiting His Initial Purpose – Why had he started this journey in the first place? Remembering his love for knowledge and the impact he wanted to make reignited his determination.

Finding a New Perspective

Andy took a deep breath, letting go of the resentment he had held onto for so long. The struggles were real, but they did not mean he was incapable or unworthy. He had the choice to continue, to reshape his path, or even to walk away—not as a failure, but as someone who understood that sometimes, a different road led to a greater destination.

He realized that whether or not he finished his PhD, his worth was never tied to a title. He was more than the struggles he faced. He was the knowledge he gained, the wisdom he carried, and the resilience that kept him standing.

When responsibility fades, who am I?

Andy sat in the quiet of his home, a book resting open in his hands, though he hadn’t turned a page in minutes. The house, once filled with the sounds of footsteps, voices, and daily routines, now echoed with silence. His children had grown up and moved out, each pursuing their own lives. For years, his days had revolved around them—providing, guiding, ensuring their well-being. And now, with no one to care for, a strange emptiness settled in.  

 Recognizing the Shift in Identity  

Being a single parent for 26 years had given Andy purpose. The responsibility had been heavy, but it had also been a constant—a reason to wake up every morning, to keep pushing forward. Now, with that responsibility gone, he found himself asking:  

"What do I do now?"  

"Who am I, outside of being a father?"  

The freedom to do as he pleased was there, yet it felt unsettling. He had spent so long focusing on others that he had forgotten how to focus on himself.  

 Understanding Why the Feeling of Emptiness Persists  

1. Loss of Routine (30%) – The daily structure built around his children had vanished, leaving a void in his schedule.  

2. Shifting Sense of Purpose (25%) – His role as a provider had defined him for so long that without it, he struggled to see his value.  

3. Emotional Adjustment (25%) – Even though he had prepared for this stage of life, the reality of it felt different—lonelier than expected.  

4. Fear of Irrelevance (20%) – A lingering worry crept in: Was he still needed? Did he still matter?  

 Five Remedies to Rediscover Meaning  

1. Reconnecting with Personal Passions – He turned back to the things he had once loved—reading, writing, and learning. These were not just hobbies; they were parts of himself that had been neglected.  

2. Finding a New Form of Responsibility – Responsibility didn’t have to end—it could evolve. He welcomed new companions into his life: three cats, each with their own quirks and needs. Caring for them gave him a renewed sense of presence.  

3. Engaging in Meaningful Conversations – He reached out to old friends and like-minded individuals, rekindling connections and discussing ideas beyond parenting.  

4. Allowing Himself to Embrace the Change – Instead of resisting the quiet, he leaned into it, seeing it not as an absence but as an opportunity—to reflect, to grow, to simply be.  

5. Accepting That Life Moves Forward – His children hadn’t abandoned him; they were just on their own journeys, as he had once been. His role had changed, but his importance in their lives had not.  

 Embracing the Next Chapter  

Andy looked around the house, once filled with the responsibilities of fatherhood, now transformed into a space for something new. He wasn’t just a father—he was a man with a mind full of stories, a heart still capable of love, and a future that was his to shape.  

For the first time in years, he felt something unexpected—peace.

Rediscovering life beyond responsibility 

Days turned into weeks, and the silence of the house no longer felt unfamiliar. Andy had spent the past few months adjusting to life on his own—finding small joys in books, conversations, and caring for his three cats. Yet, something still lingered beneath the surface. A deeper question, a subtle unease.  

"Now that I have time for myself, what do I do with it?"  

 Recognizing the Emotional Void  

It wasn’t just about missing his children or the sense of purpose parenting had given him. It was the realization that for years, he had structured his identity around responsibility. Without it, he felt lost. He had the freedom to do anything, yet he struggled to decide what that should be.  

- Was it too late to start something new?  

- Did he still have the energy to pursue unfulfilled dreams?  

- Was there still a place for him in the world beyond his past roles?  

 Understanding the Challenge of Transition  

1. Fear of Starting Over (30%) – The idea of beginning something new at this stage of life felt overwhelming, almost unnecessary.  

2. Struggles with Self-Worth (25%) – Without his role as a provider, he questioned his value in society.  

3. Uncertainty About the Future (25%) – Without clear goals, the future felt open-ended in a way that was unsettling rather than exciting.  

4. Loneliness vs. Solitude (20%) – He had always been independent, but now he wondered if he had mistaken isolation for peace.    

 Five Ways to Move Forward with Purpose  

1. Embracing Small Beginnings – Instead of searching for a grand purpose, he focused on what intrigued him. A book, a conversation, a new routine—each small step mattered.  

2. Defining Meaning on His Own Terms – He no longer needed external validation. He started writing again—not for recognition, but because it made him feel alive.  

3. Exploring New Connections – He joined discussions, engaged with like-minded individuals, and slowly rebuilt a sense of belonging beyond his immediate family.  

4. Allowing Himself to Enjoy Life Without Guilt – He had spent years prioritizing others. Now, he reminded himself that it was okay to focus on his own happiness.  

5. Accepting That Purpose Evolves – Just because one chapter of life had ended didn’t mean the story was over. He could redefine his role in ways he never considered before.  

 A New Perspective on the Future  

Andy glanced out the window, watching the evening settle in. The feeling of emptiness had not completely disappeared, but it had transformed. It was no longer a void—it was space. Space to grow, space to explore, space to simply be.  

For the first time, he didn’t feel like he had lost something. He felt like he had gained something else: the freedom to rediscover himself.

229 -turning point - Book review Chapter 2

Why does it feel like I'm always broke?

Andy sighed as he looked at his bank balance. "Why does it feel like I'm always broke?" No matter how much he tried to save, money seemed to slip through his fingers. Something deeper was at play. He needed to understand why.  

Four Possible Reasons:  

1. Childhood Trauma with Money (40%) – At eight years old, someone had stolen his piggy bank. That moment of betrayal planted a deep fear—saving felt pointless because money could disappear anytime. This subconscious belief made it hard to trust the idea of keeping money aside.  

2. Emotional Spending (25%) – Whenever stress, frustration, or sadness crept in, spending became a way to feel in control, even if just for a moment. Money wasn’t just a tool; it was an emotional comfort.  

3. Fear of Scarcity (20%) – Growing up with financial insecurity created a hidden urgency to spend before losing it again. Saving felt like a risk rather than a security.  

4. No Clear Plan (15%) – Without a structured approach to saving, money easily got spent on unnecessary things. It wasn’t just about income—it was about having a system.  

 Five Remedies to Overcome This:  

1. Reframe the Past – That stolen piggy bank was a painful memory, but it no longer defined his relationship with money. Saving wasn’t about losing—it was about gaining control.  

2. Start Small, Rebuild Trust – Instead of forcing big savings goals, he could start with something small, building confidence in his ability to keep money safe.  

3. Identify Emotional Spending Triggers – Every time he felt the urge to spend impulsively, he would pause and ask, “What am I really feeling?” Recognizing the pattern helped break the cycle.  

4. Shift from Fear to Strategy – Instead of fearing money would disappear, he created a plan: automatic transfers, emergency funds, and a mindset that saving was a long-term gain.  

5. Celebrate Small Wins – Even setting aside RM10 or $10 consistently was proof that he was in control. Over time, those small wins would turn into real financial security.  

He exhaled, looking at his new savings plan. The feeling of being broke wasn’t just about money—it was about his past, his fears, and his mindset. But now, he had found his way out.  

Feeling abandoned and unwanted 

Andy sat alone in his room, the quiet pressing in like an old, familiar presence. He had grown up with silence, a silence that was not peaceful but heavy, filled with questions that had no answers. He often wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with him—why else would the people who should have loved him the most leave him behind?

 Recognizing the Root of the Pain

The feeling of abandonment was not new. It had followed him from childhood, lingering in the background of every relationship, every achievement, and every failure. His mother had separated him from his father and his father’s family, leaving him at his maternal grandparents' house. It was not a home—it was a place where he existed, not where he belonged. The monotonous days passed with no warmth, no conversation, just the expectation that he should endure. He did not feel seen. He did not feel wanted.

As the years passed, he carried this wound into adulthood, masking it with achievements, responsibilities, and the hope that if he just did more, if he just became better, he would finally be accepted. But the void remained.

 Understanding How It Affects the Present

Even now, as an adult, the echoes of those early days whispered in his mind. He found himself withdrawing from relationships, fearing rejection before it could even happen. He sometimes sabotaged opportunities, believing deep down that he was not worthy of them. The past had woven itself into his identity, shaping the way he saw himself and the world.

It wasn’t just the absence of love; it was the belief that he did not deserve it.

 Four Possible Reasons Why the Feeling Persists

1. Early Emotional Conditioning (40%) –When a child is repeatedly made to feel unwanted, their brain internalizes that as a core belief, making it difficult to shake even in adulthood.

2. Fear of Rejection (25%) – Having experienced abandonment before, he subconsciously expected it from others, often withdrawing before it could happen again.

3. Seeking Validation in the Wrong Places (20%) – He had spent years trying to prove his worth through achievements, thinking success would fill the void, but external validation could never replace inner healing.

4. Self-Sabotage (15%) – The mind seeks familiarity, even if it is painful. He unknowingly recreated his childhood experience by keeping people at a distance or doubting their sincerity. 

 Five Remedies to Heal and Move Forward

1. Acknowledge the Wound Without Judgment – Instead of suppressing the pain, he allowed himself to recognize and sit with it. It was not weakness; it was a part of his story.

2. Reframe the Narrative – He was not abandoned because he was unworthy. He was abandoned because of the choices of others—choices that had nothing to do with his worth.

3. Build New, Healthy Relationships – He started opening up to people who genuinely cared for him, testing the waters of trust, even if it was uncomfortable at first.

4. Practice Self-Compassion – He learned to speak to himself with the kindness he never received as a child, replacing harsh self-criticism with understanding.

5. Find Meaning in the Experience – Instead of seeing himself as a victim of his past, he used his story to inspire others, proving that one’s history does not have to define one’s future.

 Embracing the Truth

Andy took a deep breath, feeling the weight of years beginning to lift. The feeling of abandonment had been a shadow, but it did not have to control his life. He could step into the light. He could choose to believe that he was enough, that he was worthy, that he was not alone.

For the first time, he did not see himself as the child who was left behind. He saw himself as the man who had survived, who had grown, and who was ready to reclaim his sense of belonging—not from others, but from within himself.

228 Turning point - Book review Chapter 1

Contents

TURNING POINT: I

I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH 3

I SHOULD GIVE MORE 6

WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE I'M ALWAYS BROKE? 9

FEELING ABANDONED AND UNWANTED 12

MY PHD STUDY STRUGGLE 16

WHEN RESPONSIBILITY FADES, WHO AM I? 19

REDISCOVERING LIFE BEYOND RESPONSIBILITY 22

LETTING GO—RELEASING WHAT NO LONGER SERVES ME 25

OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE 28

WHERE AND WHAT YOU WANT AT THIS JUNCTURE 31

UNDERSTANDING THE WEIGHT 37

THE BUBBLE OF EXISTENCE 41

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 47

I am not good enough

Andy sat in front of his laptop, staring at the blank screen. His mind echoed with the same thought that had followed him for years: “I’m not good enough.” It didn’t matter how much he had achieved or how many times people praised his work—somewhere deep inside, a voice kept whispering, “You could have done better. You should have done more.”  

It wasn’t just about one moment. It was a feeling that had shaped his life. Every setback, every unfinished goal, every comparison with someone more successful fueled that belief. Why did it feel like everyone else had figured things out, while he was still stuck in this endless cycle of doubt?  

But tonight, he had a realization. If this thought kept returning, then maybe it wasn’t the truth—maybe it was just a story his mind had told him for years. And if it was a story, then it could be rewritten.  

 Four Possible Reasons Why This Thought Exists:  

1. Past Failures Weigh Heavily (35%) – A memory of unfinished projects or missed opportunities lingers. The mind holds onto them, making it seem like proof of not being good enough.  

2. Comparison with Others (30%) – Seeing people who are more successful, happier, or seemingly ahead in life makes personal achievements feel small. Social media only makes it worse.  

3. Unrealistic Expectations (20%) – Setting high standards is good, but when perfection becomes the goal, nothing ever feels like enough.  

4. Negative Inner Dialogue (15%) – The habit of self-criticism has been repeated so often that it feels like reality. But just because the mind says it, doesn’t mean it’s true.  

 Five Remedies to Break Free from This Thought:  

1. Reframe Failure as Growth – Instead of seeing mistakes as proof of being ‘not good enough,’ he began to see them as lessons that shaped him.  

2. Focus on Personal Progress – His journey was his own. Instead of comparing himself to others, he started measuring himself against who he was yesterday.  

3. Redefine Success – Maybe success wasn’t about reaching perfection, but about consistent effort, learning, and growth.  

4. Challenge the Negative Voice – Every time his mind whispered, “You’re not good enough,” he would ask, “Where’s the real proof?” Most of the time, there wasn’t any.  

5. Practice Self-Compassion – He started treating himself the way he would treat a friend—with patience, encouragement, and kindness.  

As he closed his laptop, he realized something. The feeling of ‘not being good enough’ would come and go—but now, he had a way out. And that was enough.   

I should give more 

Andy sat by the window, staring at the city lights flickering in the distance. The quiet hum of the night felt both peaceful and heavy. A thought gnawed at him—one that had returned time and again. “I should be doing more. Giving more. Contributing more.” But tonight, unlike before, he wasn’t going to push it aside. Tonight, he was going to find his way out.  

 Four Possible Reasons Why This Thought Exists:  

1. Money as a Measure of Worth (35%) – Society often ties a person’s value to their financial contributions. The belief that “If I don’t give money, I’m not doing enough” can feel overwhelming.  

2. Comparison with Others (30%) – Seeing others donate, provide, or support financially can create a silent pressure— “If they can do it, why can’t I?” The focus shifts from personal ability to external expectations.  

3. Internalized Guilt (20%) – The feeling of wanting to contribute but not being able to can turn into guilt, making it seem like personal shortcomings are the cause.  

4. Overlooking Non-Financial Contributions (15%) – Wisdom, time, and emotional support are just as valuable, but when money becomes the main focus, these contributions feel invisible.  

 Five Remedies to Break Free from This Thought:  

1. Reassess Priorities – Andy asked himself, “What truly matters to me?” Money was one form of contribution, but not the only one. He had knowledge, experience, and guidance—things money couldn’t buy.  

2. Acknowledge Achievements – Instead of listing regrets, he made a list of what he had gained: lessons learned, struggles overcome, and the people he had helped in ways beyond finances.  

3. Redefine Contribution – His strengths lay in writing, teaching, and sharing insights. Instead of focusing on what he lacked, he realized he could give what he already had.  

4. Embrace Growth Instead of Crisis – This wasn’t a crisis. It was a shift in understanding. He wasn’t losing time—he was gaining clarity on what truly mattered.  

5. Avoid Self-Comparison – He stopped measuring his worth by what others were doing. His path was his own. His way of contributing was uniquely his.  

He took a deep breath. The feeling hadn’t disappeared completely, but now it felt different. It wasn’t a burden—it was a guide. He smiled. This was his way out. And maybe, just maybe, it was the beginning of something even greater.    

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Summary - 

This book is a journey through struggles, self-discovery, and healing. It explores themes of abandonment, self-worth, financial challenges, emotional resilience, and personal transformation. Through personal experiences and deep reflection, it offers insights into overcoming setbacks, embracing change, and finding peace within. Life is a series of choices—each shaping our path. With awareness and perseverance, we can break free from past burdens and move toward a future of clarity and purpose.

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0F229SB4Z

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Independently published (March 19, 2025)

Language ‏ : ‎ English

Paperback ‏ : ‎ 47 pages

ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 979-8314738054

Reading age ‏ : ‎ Baby - 18 years

Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 4.3 ounces

Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.11 x 9 inches

Front 

226- Amalan Seperguruan

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Amaran: 

Amalan Doa Tuan Guru 

Shaikh Dr Jahid Sidek Al-Khalidi

‎‎‎بسْمِ اللّهُ الرَّحْمَرُ الرَّحِيمِ

‎اِلَهِي اَنْتَ مَقصُودِي وَرِضَاكَ مَطْلُوْبِى لَا مَقصُودَ إِلَّا الله

أَعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَجِيمِ

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

الْحَمْدُ لله رَبِّ العَالَمِينَ، حَمْدًا يُوَافِي نِعَمَهُ وَيُكَافِىُ مَزِيدَهُ، يَا رَبَّنَا لَكَ الْحَمْدُ كَمَا يَنْبَغِي لِجَلَالِ لِوَجْهِكَ الْكَرِيمِ وَعَظِيمِ سُلْطَانِكَ، اللَّهُمَّ صَلٍّ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَبَارِكٌ وَسَلِّمْ

تَسْلِيمًا كَثِيرًا.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ أَن تَرْزُقَنَا رِزْقًا حَلَالًا طَيِّبًا وَاسِعًا مِنْ غَيْرِ تَعَبِ وَلَا مَشَقَّةٍ وَصَبٍّ وَلَا نَصَبٍ، إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٍ،

‏Ya Allah, kami memohon kepada-Mu agar dikurniakan kami rezeki yang halal dan baik serta diluaskannya tanpa penat lelah, mencurah-curah bukan mengemis, sesungguhnya Engkaulah Yang Maha berkuasa atas setiap sesuatu

اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ الْتَوْبَةَ وَالْإِنَابَةَ وَالْاسْتِقَامَةَ عَلَىٰ الشَّرِيعَةِ الْغَرَّاءِ وَالطَّرِيقَةِ الْبَيْضَاءِ، اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلُنَا مُسْتَقِيمًا وَلَا تَجْعَلْنَا سَقِيمًا عَلَىٰ الْحَقِّ

‏Ya Allah, Kami memohon kepada-Mu taubat dan inabah kami, tetapkanlah kami atas syariat-Mu yang mulia dan tariqah-Mu yang suci. Ya Allah,

‏tetapkanlah kami atas jalan-Mu yang lurus dan

‏janganlah pesongkan kami dari jalan-Mu yang benar

اللَّهُمَ مُنَّ عَلَيْنَا بِالْفُتُوحِ التَّامَّاتِ وَالْاسْتِقَامَةِ عَلَىٰ

الشَّرِيعَةِ الْغَرَّاءِ،

‏Ya Allah, kurniakanlah kami futuhat (buka hijab) yang sempurna dan tetapkanlah kami di atas syariat-Mu yang mulia

اللَّهُمَّ افْتَحُ عَلَيْنَا أَكْمَلَ الْفُتُوحِ، وَاشْرَحْ صُدُورَنَا

أَكْمَلَ الشُّرُوحِ،

‏Ya Allah, bukalah hijab hati kami dengan sesempurnanya dan bukalah pintu hati kami menerima hidayat dengan sebaik-baiknya.

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ نُورِ الْأَنْوَارِ، وَعَلَىْ آلِهِ الْأَطْهَارِ وَأَصْحَابِهِ الْأَخْيَارِ، وَسَلِّمْ تَسْلِيمًا كَثِيرًا، اللَّهُمَّ يَا اللهُ يَا رَحْمُنُ يَا رَحِيمُ، وَيا هَادِيَ الْمُضِلِّينَ وَيَا نَاصِرَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَيَا رَاحِمَ الضُّعَفَاءِ وَالْمَسَاكِينَ، اِجْعَلْنَا مِنْ أَوْلِيَاءِكَ الْمُتَّقِينَ،وَاحْشُرْنَا فِي زُمْرَةِ الْمُقَرَّبِينَ، وَارْزُقْنَا خَيْرَ الدَّارَينِ، وَاحْفَظُنَا مِن شَرِّ الْكَوْنَيْنِ، آمِين... آمِين . ..آمِين. .. بِجَاهِ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ سَيِّدِ التَّقَلَيْنِ.

Ya Allah, limpahkan selawat ke atas Nabi Muhammad SAW cahaya yang berganda, juga ke atas keluarganya yang disucikan Allah dan

sahabatnya yang terpilih, dan juga salam yang tidak terhingga banyak ke atas Baginda SAW.•

Ya Allah... Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, Wahai Pemberi Petunjuk kepada orang yang tersesat, Wahai Pembantu orang muslim, Wahai Yang Maha Pemurah terhadap orang lemah dan miskin, jadikanlah kami dalam kalangan wali-Mu yang bertaqwa, kumpulkanlah kami dalam golongan orang muqarrabin, kurniakanlah kami sebaik-baik balasan di dunia dan di akhirat, dan peliharalah kami dari segala kejahatan di dunia juga akhirat, amin... amin... amin... dengan berkat kemuliaan Nabi Muhammad SAW penghulu segala jin dan manusia

اللَّهُمَّ أَحْبِنَا فِي عَافِيَةٍ، وَأَمِتْنَا فِي عَافِيَةٍ، وَأَدْخِلْنَا الجَنَّةَ فِي عَافِيَةٍ، وَأَطِلْ بَقَاءَ شَيْخِنَا مَعَ صِحَّةٍ وَعَافِيَةٍ، وَانْفَعْنَا بِهِ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ، إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ،

Ya Allah, kurniakanlah kehidupan kami ini kesihatan, matikanlah kami dalam keimanan, masukkanlah kami ke dalam syurga dengan keredaan-Mu, panjangkanlah umur Tuan Guru kami dalam keadaan sihat walafiat serta kurniakanlah keberkatannya kepada kami di dunia mahupun di

akhirat, sesungguhnya Engkaulah, berkuasa atas

segala sesuatu

رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ .

رَبَّنَا آنِنَا مِن لَدُنَّكَ رَحْمَةً وَهَيِّءٌ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًا.

وَصَلَّى اللهُ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ. والْحَمْدُ لِلّهِ رَبّ العَالَمِينَ.

Tidak boleh di amalkan melainkan dengan berguru. 

223 - moto booster

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222 - Allah swt mengambil nyawa

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Allah swt mengambil nyawa serentak dengan nyawa di cabut tiada sela waktu untuk Allah swt kerana Allah swt tiada terbatas dengan waktu dll al-quran

book 1 - abandon

Let's begin by structuring your story to guide the reader through the emotional journey, from the pain of abandonment to self-acceptance and healing. Here's an outline based on your description:

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### **Outline for "How I Overcame the Trauma from Being Abandoned as a Child"**

**I. Introduction: The Beginning of My Journey**

  - *A. The Day It All Changed*: Describe the moment you were left at your grandmother's house, and the confusion and fear that followed. 

  - *B. Early Emotional Impact*: Introduce the feeling of abandonment, and how the silence from your family left deep scars on your young mind.

**II. Living in Silence and Survival Mode**

  - *A. Struggling for Attention and Love*: Describe the emotional void in your life, and how you were forced to grow up too soon.

  - *B. Earning Money as a Child*: Share the pressures of working at a young age, and how it added to your feelings of being unwanted and burdened.

**III. The Weight of Self-Blame**

  - *A. Internalizing the Pain*: Discuss how you began to blame yourself for your family’s actions, believing that something was inherently wrong with you.

  - *B. Being Hard on Myself*: Show how this led to perfectionism and being overly critical, setting unrealistic expectations for yourself in an attempt to prove your worth.

**IV. A Shift in Perspective**

  - *A. Questioning the Narrative*: Explore the moment when you started to doubt the story you had been telling yourself—that you were to blame.

  - *B. Discovering a Larger Perspective*: Introduce the idea of the world as a "woven cloth," and that the events of your life, though painful, were part of a much larger pattern.

**V. The Healing Process**

  - *A. Forgiveness and Acceptance*: Discuss how you began to let go of the self-blame, forgiving yourself and others.

  - *B. Embracing Your Story*: Share the realization that your experiences shaped you, but they do not define your worth.

**VI. Conclusion: Finding Peace and Purpose**

  - *A. Accepting the World as It Is*: Reflect on how you’ve come to accept that life happens on its own terms, and that not everything is within your control.

  - *B. Empowered by the Journey*: Close with how this journey has led you to a place of strength and peace, allowing you to live with intention and compassion.

---

### **Draft:**

---

**Introduction**

I was six years old when my world turned upside down. It was the summer of 19XX, a time when children are usually carefree, wrapped in the warmth of family love. But for me, that was the day I was left at my grandmother’s house without explanation. My mother dropped me off at the doorstep, kissed my forehead, and disappeared into the horizon. The silence of her absence was deafening. I didn’t know it then, but this was the moment that would shape my life, creating a ripple of feelings that would take years to untangle.

In my grandmother’s house, everything was quiet. Too quiet. They rarely spoke to me. My existence felt like a burden. At such a young age, I was forced to learn that survival meant earning your place. It meant working for money, even though I should’ve been playing in the fields like other children. This was where my journey of self-blame and shame began, and it would take me years to realize that none of this was my fault.

---

**Body**

**II. Living in Silence and Survival Mode**

As the days turned into years, I became familiar with the silent, cold routine of my new home. My grandmother was kind in her own distant way, but warmth was not something I felt. Every word I spoke was swallowed by silence, and in that silence, I felt like I was disappearing. I was six, and already, I was alone in the world.

By the time I was old enough to understand the weight of what had happened, I was already earning money. Not as a choice, but out of necessity. The world had taught me early on that nothing would be handed to me—not love, not care, not safety. Every coin I earned felt like a confirmation of my worthlessness. At the time, I thought this was my fault. I must have been a burden. I must have done something wrong to be abandoned like this.

**III. The Weight of Self-Blame**

The worst part of it all wasn’t the physical abandonment—it was the emotional abandonment I carried inside. I internalized everything. I thought, “If my mother left me, there must be something wrong with me.” This belief stuck with me, weaving its way into everything I did. I was hard on myself, expecting nothing less than perfection, because I thought maybe then, I’d finally be enough for someone. 

I blamed myself for everything: for being abandoned, for feeling unloved, for not doing enough. And with every failure, no matter how small, the self-blame grew heavier. The voice in my head whispered, “You’re not worth it. You never were.”

**IV. A Shift in Perspective**

It wasn’t until much later that I began to question these thoughts. I remember one night, lying in bed, wondering: What if I wasn’t to blame? What if my mother’s actions weren’t a reflection of me? This was the moment everything started to shift. It wasn’t immediate, but that question planted a seed of doubt in the story I’d been telling myself.

Life, I realized, was a vast, intricate pattern, like a woven cloth. My experiences, painful as they were, were just a thread in the larger design. I didn’t control the weave, but I was part of it. Slowly, I began to see that the pain, the abandonment—it wasn’t about me. It was about the circumstances, the choices of others, the complexities of life. None of it was my fault.

**V. The Healing Process**

As I began to understand this, healing followed. I stopped blaming myself. I stopped being so hard on myself. The forgiveness came slowly, but it did come—first for myself, and then for my mother. I realized that by holding onto the pain, I was only hurting myself more. I couldn’t change the past, but I could change how I saw it.

I embraced my story. It was no longer a burden but a testament to my strength. I had survived, not because I was perfect, but because I was resilient.

---

**Conclusion**

Now, as I look back, I see the world differently. It is not a place where everything is fair or where we always get what we deserve. The world is vast, unpredictable, and sometimes, it hurts us in ways we don’t understand. But I have learned to accept that life happens on its own terms. I have come to see that I am not broken. I am a part of a bigger story, one that weaves together joy and pain, loss and healing.

I have found peace in knowing that the world, with all its flaws, is still beautiful. And I am not to blame for the things that happened to me. I am simply a thread in the great woven cloth of life.

---

What else would you like me to include or clarify? If there are specific moments or feelings you’d like to emphasize, I can expand on those as well.

al maidah ayat 60

QS. Al-Ma'idah Ayat 60

قُلْ هَلْ اُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِشَرٍّ مِّنْ ذٰلِكَ مَثُوْبَةً عِنْدَ اللّٰهِ ۗمَنْ لَّعَنَهُ اللّٰهُ وَغَضِبَ عَلَيْهِ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهُمُ الْقِرَدَةَ وَالْخَنَازِيْرَ وَعَبَدَ الطَّاغُوْتَۗ اُولٰۤىِٕكَ شَرٌّ مَّكَانًا وَّاَضَلُّ عَنْ سَوَاۤءِ السَّبِيْلِ

60. Katakanlah (Muhammad), “Apakah akan aku beritakan kepadamu tentang orang yang lebih buruk pembalasannya dari (orang fasik) di sisi Allah? Yaitu, orang yang dilaknat dan dimurkai Allah, di antara mereka (ada) yang dijadikan kera dan babi dan (orang yang) menyembah Thaghut.” Mereka itu lebih buruk tempatnya dan lebih tersesat dari jalan yang lurus.

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Seneca - 1

A HAPPY LIFE, BENEFITS, ANGER AND CLEMENCY.

TRANSLATED BY SIR ROGER L’ESTRANGE. NEW EDITION. CHICAGO: BELFORD, CLARKE & CO., 1882.

BELFORD . CLARKE & CO., 1881. PRINTED AND BOUND BY DONOHUE & HENNEBERRY. Chicago, Ill.

TO THE READER. It has been a long time my thought to turn Seneca into English; but whether as a translation or an abstract, was the question. A translation, I perceive, it must not be, at last, for several reasons. First, it is a thing already done to my hand, and of above sixty years’ standing; though with as little credit, perhaps, to the Author, as satisfaction to the Reader. Secondly, There is a great deal in him, that is wholly foreign to my business: as his philosophical treatises of Meteors, Earthquakes, the Original of Rivers, several frivolous disputes betwixt the Epicureans and the Stoics, etc., to say nothing of his frequent repetitions of the same thing again in other words, (wherein he very handsomely excuses himself, by saying, “That he does but inculcate over and over the same counsels to those that over and over commit the same faults.”)Thirdly, His excellency consists rather in a rhapsody of divine and extraordinary hints and notions, than in any regulated method of discourse; so that to take him as he lies, and so to go through with him, were utterly inconsistent with the order and brevity which I propound; my principal design, being only to digest, and commonplace his Morals, in such sort, that any man, upon occasion, may know where to find them. And I have kept myself so close to this proposition, that I have reduced all his scattered Ethics to their proper heads, without any additions of my own, more than of absolute necessity for the tacking of them together. Some other man in my place would perhaps make you twenty apologies for his want of skill and address, in governing this affair; but these are formal and pedantic fooleries, as if any man that first takes himself for a coxcomb in his own heart, would afterwards make himself one in print too. This Abstract, such as it is, you are extremely welcome to; and I am sorry it is no better, both for your sakes and my own, for if it were written up to the spirit of the original, it would be one of the most valuable presents that ever any private man bestowed upon the public; and this, too, even in the judgment of both parties, as well Christian as Heathen, of which in its due place.